A New Approach to Teaching Teenage Behavior
James Baldwin once said that children “have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them.” This observation has led to an interesting strategy in my household — watching the reality TV series Married at First Sight (MAFS) with our teenage son. It’s either a brave or crazy move, depending on how you look at it. The idea is that by exposing him to the drama and interpersonal conflicts of the show, he might develop a natural aversion to toxic behavior — or, alternatively, become an expert in it.
This approach is not about teaching him what to do, but rather what not to do. It’s a form of real-time social studies, where we analyze the behavior we see on screen together. I believe this kind of education should be part of school curriculums, as there are clear parallels between what happens on MAFS and what goes on in schools.
Real-Time Social Studies
The first time I saw my son’s reaction to the show was eye-opening. He had accidentally caught me watching a segment where people were lying and manipulating each other, and his eyes widened in horror. From that moment on, watching MAFS became a way for us to discuss behavior, relationships, and social dynamics in real time.
Some might argue that the outlandish behavior on MAFS has no value for young minds. But I disagree. There’s a teen-sized version of MAFS playing out at your child’s school right now — whether they’re involved in it or just observing it. Like sex education, being properly informed can be a form of protection.
Human Psychology Under Pressure
What makes MAFS compelling is the way human psychology plays out under pressure. Contestants often reveal their true selves when placed in intense social situations. The bully becomes a bully, the traumatised person comes out in the adult, and the carefully constructed persona falls apart when removed from its environment.
This phenomenon was highlighted when federal minister for social services Tanya Plibersek criticized the casting of a contestant named Tyson, who had previously been married to a Mormon and sought a “submissive” wife. His views clashed with the ambitious, independent women on the show, and Plibersek called it irresponsible to platform such views during a time when the “manosphere” is influencing young men with misogynistic ideas.
I believe Tyson’s views are more common than we think. They appear in the speech of many young people, often without them realizing where these ideas come from. The algorithm is constantly feeding kids this toxic content, and most won’t watch something like Louis Theroux’s “Manosphere” to learn about it.
The Power of Theatre
Despite being largely scripted, MAFS has a unique power. It’s a form of theatre that allows us to explore archetypes and behaviors in a way that resonates with our brains. The villain and the hero are clearly defined, making it easier for viewers to understand and respond to the characters.
For our family, MAFS has been a valuable tool for learning. We’ve watched everything from bids for connection to poor communication, unkindness, and defensiveness. My son has started to form his own opinions and make judgments based on what he sees. He’s even identified someone as an “incel,” which is a powerful moment for a teenager.
Learning Through Observation
There’s a lot of drama on MAFS, much of it exaggerated. But the lessons learned through observation are real. As our son enters his teenage years, we’ve seen various relationship dynamics play out, and we’ve used those moments to teach him about healthy interactions.
One example was when a contestant displayed childish behavior, and a parent pointed it out to her daughter, telling her never to act that way. These moments are teaching opportunities, even if they’re unintended.
A More Educational Alternative
If you find yourself needing the drama of MAFS, there are more educational ways to talk to kids and young men about topics like the manosphere. This weekend, I recommend exploring alternative content that offers insight into these issues.
Also, don’t forget to check out this week’s episode of my show Creative Types, which features a behind-the-scenes look at pianist Andrea Lam and her work on The Piano.
Final Thoughts
As we wrap up the week, I’m reminded of the passing of Bernie Lynch, co-founder of Eurogliders with Grace Knight. It’s a fitting time to reflect on music and memory. With news like this, there’s only one song to play — Heaven, indeed.
Virginia Trioli is presenter of Creative Types and a former co-host of ABC News Breakfast and Mornings on ABC Radio Melbourne.
