The Silent Struggle: Men, Mental Health, and the Weight of Societal Expectations
The stark reality of men’s internal battles with mental health is often hidden beneath a veneer of stoicism, a societal expectation deeply ingrained in many cultures. This ingrained reticence can lead to devastating consequences, with men disproportionately represented in suicide statistics despite women being more frequently diagnosed with depression. Two recent cases at Hanoi’s Bach Mai hospital highlight this critical issue, revealing how the pressure to maintain a facade of strength can push individuals to the brink.
A 43-year-old patient, identified as Trong, was admitted to the Mood Disorder clinic after a suicide attempt. Upon arrival, he presented as physically and mentally depleted, avoiding eye contact and repeatedly asserting, “I am fine,” when questioned about his well-being. It wasn’t until he felt assured of his safety that he began to share the immense burden he had been carrying for the past year.
Trong’s crisis stemmed from a devastating one-two punch: the loss of his job and a significant financial loss of approximately $38,000 in the stock market. Crucially, he concealed these setbacks from his family. Each day, he would don his work attire and leave home at his usual time, but instead of going to his office, he would wander aimlessly through parks and streets until nightfall. To maintain the illusion of normalcy and meet his family’s financial needs, he resorted to maxing out his credit cards.
Dr. Vu Son Tung, who treated Trong, noted the patient exhibited symptoms of chronic insomnia and severe anxiety surrounding his mounting debts. “The contrast between reality and his pretend life gradually pushed him over the edge,” Dr. Tung explained, underscoring how the effort to uphold a false image exacerbated his mental distress.
The Hidden Anguish of Small Business Owners
A similar scenario unfolded at Hospital E’s mental health department, where Dr. Nguyen Viet Chung encountered Dat, a 37-year-old small business owner. Dat initially sought medical attention for physical complaints, including heart palpitations and breathing difficulties. Despite extensive cardiology tests yielding normal results, a deeper assessment revealed he was experiencing a severe mental health crisis.
Dat’s mornings were marked by a grim ritual: locking himself in the bathroom to slap his face, an attempt to rouse himself after nights plagued by sleeplessness. While his business revenues dwindled and his bank loans accumulated, he never confided in his wife about his struggles. When questioned about his exhaustion, Dat consistently reassured his concerned family that everything was under control.
Dr. Chung observed that Dat was in a perpetual state of high alert and suffered from generalized anxiety disorder. The doctor attributed Dat’s panic attacks to the immense effort required to suppress his financial anxieties, driven by a deep-seated need to maintain his identity as the family’s primary provider.
The Cultural Conditioning of Masculinity
The reluctance of men like Trong and Dat to openly discuss their mental health is not an isolated phenomenon; it is deeply rooted in cultural norms surrounding masculinity. Dr. Chung points out that from a young age, boys are often discouraged from crying, being told it is “unmanly,” or from expressing their feelings, as it is deemed a sign of weakness.
These deeply embedded gender stereotypes can evolve into what is known as toxic masculinity, a harmful ideology that valorizes emotional repression as a sign of strength and stigmatizes any display of vulnerability. The consequences of this conditioning are severe and far-reaching.
The Global Impact: The Gender Paradox of Suicide
Worldwide, an estimated 850,000 lives are lost to suicide annually, with depression being the most prevalent underlying cause, according to the World Health Organization. A perplexing and tragic trend, known as the “gender paradox of suicide,” reveals that while women are more frequently diagnosed with depression, men exhibit a significantly higher rate of suicide completion.
This counterintuitive disparity is widely believed to stem from men’s ingrained aversion to seeking clinical diagnosis and support. This pattern often persists until the very last moments, with some men resorting to death when they feel trapped with no apparent escape.
In Vietnam, approximately 15% of the population experiences some form of mental disorder, with depression and anxiety disorders accounting for a concerning third of these cases.
Breaking the Silence: The Desire to Be Heard
The fundamental human need to be seen and heard is present in men, yet it is frequently suppressed. A 2022 survey conducted in Vietnam revealed that a significant portion of male respondents—27%—expressed a desire to discuss their pressures related to finances, work, and family with a specialist. However, a formidable barrier prevented them from seeking help: the pervasive fear of judgment.
Experts like Dr. Tung observe that many men perceive themselves as the default “backbone of their family,” compelling them to endure hardships silently rather than voice their struggles. While women may find solace in open communication and physiological expressions of emotion, such as tears, men often resort to bottling up their feelings or seeking temporary relief through less constructive means like alcohol or sports.
This long-term emotional repression, Dr. Tung warns, acts as a “ticking time bomb.” It not only intensifies depression and increases the risk of suicide but also contributes to physical health problems and diminishes work performance. These compounding issues can ensnare individuals in a debilitating cycle of failure and self-blame. Tragically, many men only receive professional help when their health has deteriorated to a critical state, requiring extensive treatment, whereas early intervention through psychotherapy could have offered a less arduous path to recovery.
Redefining Strength: A Path Towards Emotional Liberation
The journey to liberation from the constraints of toxic masculinity begins with a fundamental redefinition of strength. Experts advocate for a broader understanding that encompasses both physical and emotional resilience. True strength, they argue, lies in the capacity to acknowledge and process one’s emotions.
Men are encouraged to identify trusted individuals and begin opening up in low-pressure environments, such as during everyday activities like cooking or watching television, rather than scheduling formal appointments. For those who act as confidants, the key is to listen without judgment, validate the speaker’s feelings, and refrain from offering unsolicited advice.
Cultivating these dynamics through small, everyday interactions can gradually melt away the emotional ice that many men encase themselves in, fostering genuine connections with themselves and others. This shift is crucial for building a society where men feel empowered to prioritize their mental well-being without fear of stigma or judgment.
