Demi Lovato Reflects on Age-Gap Relationship: “That’s Not Okay”
Demi Lovato has openly addressed the complexities of her past relationship with Wilmer Valderrama, acknowledging that the significant age difference was “not okay.” The 33-year-old star, who has recently shared her journey of recovery from an eating disorder, made these candid remarks during an appearance on the “Baby, This Is Keke Palmer” podcast.
Lovato and Valderrama’s relationship, which spanned several years, was marked by a 12-year age gap. Lovato was just 18 when she began dating Valderrama, who was 30 at the time. While not explicitly naming her ex, Lovato alluded to a relationship with a boyfriend who was 30 when she was still a teenager.
The conversation with Keke Palmer naturally steered towards their shared experiences of entering the entertainment industry at a young age. Both Lovato and Palmer reflected on the unique pressures and challenges of navigating fame and personal relationships while still very young.
“I’m sitting here in this state of mind today, like, grateful for everything that I’ve been through,” Lovato shared. “It was really challenging. There wasn’t a lot of time for play, but when I did, I played pretty hard.”
Palmer echoed these sentiments, expressing the difficulty of being understood by peers. “I feel like people don’t understand that that’s what we was dealing with, you know? I found myself dating. I’m 15. Why is my boyfriend 20?”
Lovato immediately resonated with this, interjecting, “Why was my boyfriend 30? You know what I’m saying?” She elaborated on the lack of peer support, stating, “Nobody our age could understand.”
It was only in retrospect, upon reaching the age of 30, that Lovato had a profound realization. “When I turned 30 I was like, ‘That’s not okay.'”
Palmer, in agreement, described this realization as a potential “mental break.” She explained, “The moment that you realize and you get to the age that a lot of people that were around you and doing stuff… It’s almost a mental break that can happen because you realize you were taken advantage of. ‘Oh, I was being exploited.'”
Palmer recounted how, at 15, she perceived her older boyfriend as a reflection of her own mature career path. “That was very difficult for me because at 15 I’m thinking my boyfriend’s older because I’m doing an older job, and I’m doing a bunch of things, and this is the way that it is, and it seemed normal in my mind.”
Lovato added another layer to this, noting the impact of being a mature individual for one’s age. “Especially if you are an older soul, too. Especially if you’re mature for your age.”
A Song of Reflection: “29”
Lovato’s experiences have been channeled into her music, most notably on her track “29” from the 2022 album “Holy Fvck.” She encouraged listeners to connect with the song, saying, “I also wrote a song about that. It’s called 29. And when you listen to it, I think you’ll be able to relate to it.”
The lyrics of “29” are widely believed to be a reflection on her relationship with Valderrama. Lines such as “Far from innocent / What the f***’s consent? / Numbers told you not to / But that didn’t stop you” and “Finally 29 / 17 would never cross my mind / Thought it was a teenage dream a fantasy / But it was yours it wasn’t mine” strongly suggest this interpretation.
Lovato first met Valderrama in 2010 on a film set. At the time, she was 17 and he was 29. Their relationship officially began after Lovato turned 18, and it continued on and off until their separation in 2016.
In her 2017 documentary “Simply Complicated,” Lovato recalled the initial encounter: “When I met him and I laid eyes on him for the first time, I was in hair and makeup and I was like, ‘I love this man and I have to have him.’ But I was only 17 so he was like, ‘Get away from me.’ After I turned 18, we began dating.”
The couple announced their split in 2016 via a joint statement, stating they had realized they were “better as friends.”
Life Post-Valderrama: Health, Love, and New Beginnings
Following her breakup with Valderrama, Lovato experienced a near-fatal overdose in 2018. Valderrama was a source of support during this challenging period, visiting her in the hospital. He has since moved on and shares two children with his partner, Amanda Pacheco.
In a significant personal milestone, Lovato married singer Jutes (Jordan Lutes) in May of last year. The couple exchanged vows in a private ceremony in Santa Barbara, California. Lovato was a radiant bride, wearing a Vivienne Westwood gown. Their romance with the singer, known for his work with Red Velvet, began in 2022, and they became engaged the following year.
Lovato has spoken about the societal pressures surrounding marriage and her own journey towards it. “I had expected to be married by a certain age,” she confessed in an interview last November. “There’s all this pressure that society puts on you, but it just organically happened.”
She expressed immense happiness in her current marriage, gushing, “I’m really happy. I told my husband today, ‘I’ve never been more in love with you. I didn’t know my love could grow for you more so than it already has.’ The timing was perfect.”
Looking ahead, Lovato is preparing to embark on her “It’s Not That Deep Tour,” scheduled to commence on April 13 in Orlando, Florida. The tour will span various cities across the United States and Canada, concluding on May 25 in Houston. However, Lovato recently made the difficult decision to cancel several tour dates, citing the need to “protect my health,” including a scheduled concert in Charlotte, North Carolina.
